5 Signs You Have Found Your Soulmate
How to Know if You've Found the One
Cupid's arrow has struck once again, but things feel different this time around. This difference may seem exciting and frightening at the same time, but most importantly, it likely has you wondering whether or not the person you're currently seeing isThe Onefor you. To find the answer to your question, you need to take a good look at both yourself and your relationship.
Stop chasing ideals.Ask yourself if you're happy with your relationship as it is or if you find yourself thinking, “Things would be perfectif...” If you need things to change in your relationship before you can be happy with it, that relationship might be the wrong one.
- All relationships come with their own set of difficulties. Even when one problem is solved, another one will come along to replace it sooner or later.
- Finding "the one" doesn't mean finding a relationship without problems. Instead, it means finding a relationship you feel completely happy with even in spite of the problems.
Let yourself be loved for who you are.Allow your partner see who you really are instead of playing along with a false façade. You need to be able to trust that your partner will accept the real you if you want the relationship to last.
- Part of this requirement depends on your partner, as well. You should be with someone who loves the real you and never demands that you change for his or her own sake.
- Similarly, you also need to love your partner for who he or she really is.
Make your significant other happy.A good sign that you've found “the one” is when you prioritize your partner's happiness even above your own. Everything has its limits, but in general, you should be able to spend time and energy on securing his or her happiness without kicking up a fuss about doing so.
- Aside from simply wanting to make your partner happy, you should already have some idea of how to do it. Think about little things, like the foods and activities that can cheer your significant other up after a long day. Also think about big things, like being able to get your partner to open up about worries and dreams.
- Like most things, your partner should be able to demonstrate the same interest in your happiness as you have for his or hers.
Re-evaluate your values.Consider whether or not any of your priorities have shifted since you began your relationship. Selfish pursuits should seem less important than matters that affect your relationship.
- For example, consider your views on monogamy. If you previously had no interest in getting married and settling down but now hope to do so with your current partner, that partner must be special enough or important enough for you to have altered those beliefs so naturally.
Consider your appearance.It's a good sign when you care enough about your partner to put a little extra effort into your appearance, yet still feel comfortable allowing him or her to see you with sweatpants and dirty hair.
- Appearances have more to do with attraction than love, but when you really love your partner, you will naturally want to appear desirable in his or her eyes.
Examine the Relationship Internally
Manage conflict but drop the drama.Everyone argues with those they feel close to. The strongest relationships involve partners who argue, but do so with resolution in mind. If you don't argue at all, it's a bad sign. If even the simplest arguments turn into week-long drama-fests, it's also a bad sign.
- When couples don't fight, it usually means that one or both people are not being entirely honest. When needs, desires, and difficulties are not voiced, they are not addressed, and the relationship remains weakened.
- Healthy arguments are free of violence in all its forms: verbal and physical. The fights are fair, and no one tries to manipulate the other party.
Laugh.The two of you should be able to laugh with each other and at each other. There should be room for seriousness in a serious relationship, of course, but you also need to balance that out with a healthy dose of humor.
- The teasing that goes on between you two should be gentle and playful, though. If one person routinely breaks into tears, you're doing something wrong.
Enjoy the ordinary and the mundane.If the two of you need constant chatter and excitement to make your relationship work, it could be a sign that your relationship won't work, or it may just mean that your relationship is still too new to predict the future.
- Enjoying the mundane means wanting to learn the little details about your partner's past and present life.
- Enjoying the ordinary also means feeling content to sit in and spend a quiet evening together. It's natural to crave excitement from time to time, but you need to be able to enjoy your partner's presence during the dull times, as well.
Respect and be respected.A strong relationship is built around respect and commitment. You need to be able to respect your partner, but you also need a partner who will respect you in equal amounts.
- Respect leads to everything else a healthy relationship requires: commitment, trust, communication, and general satisfaction. Without respect, none of these other qualities can take root.
Talk about the future.Think about past conversations the two of you had concerning the future. When the topic comes up, both of you should feel comfortable discussing it, and both of you should be able to picture the other as a part of your own future.
- Your talks about the future don't always need to be serious. If it's still early in your relationship, you might casually of the things you should do together "next month" or "next year." As your commitment grows, however, the two of you should be able to talk about your long-term future and the rest of your lives.
Look for fireworks.While a committed relationship definitely runs deeper than mere physical attraction, good chemistry is also important. Fireworks do not need to go off every time your eyes meet, but there should at least be an occasional spark.
- Physical intimacy and emotional intimacy are closely related. You need both to balance out a romantic relationship.
Put "we" before "me." Both of you should have a greater interest in working through things together than working through them separately. You may need to put the welfare of the relationship above your own individual desires from time to time, and you both should be okay with doing so when the situation really calls for it.
- The first "we" thoughts are usually positive. The mind shifts from "what am I doing this weekend?" to "what are we doing this weekend?"
- Eventually, though, your "we" thoughts need to shift to more serious matters. For instance, if you're offered a new job in a different location, you should be just as interested in how it will affect your future as a couple instead of only thinking of how it will affect your future as an individual.
Live the relationship more than you talk about it.Ask yourself how much time you spend being together and how much time the two of you spend talking about how things or and how they should be. Being able to live in the “now” is important if you want to stay together in the future.
- Of course, you need to be able to address issues and desires as they come up. If these problems preoccupy you too often, though, it's a signal that things don't flow naturally between the two of you.
Examine the Relationship Externally
Take a poll.Ask your friends and family what they think about your relationship. Mind you, not everyone will see things clearly. As a whole, though, the people closest to you should be able to approve of your relationship. They have a more objective perspective than either you or your partner, so to some degree, they can see things for what they really are.
- If someone you trust is urging you to get out of a relationship, you might want to take those pleas seriously.
- On the other hand, you also need to consider the source of the complaints. Someone who loves drama or is otherwise possessive of you may not make the greatest judge. Someone who wants you to be happy and has never caused problems for the sake of causing problems can usually be trusted, though.
Love his social circle.You don't need to love all of your partner's friends or family members, nor do you need to spend time hanging out with his or her buddies. The people one chooses to be around is a reflection on the person as an individual, though. If you absolutely cannot tolerate the vast majority of your partner's social circle, you may need to reexamine your partner and figure out what those friends say about him or her.
- For example, if you think that all of your partner's friends are troublemakers, you might want to ask yourself if your partner is really the little angel he or she seems to be in front of you.
Spend time together and apart.Both of you should want to spend as much time together as possible without completely falling apart when the other isn't there.
- Spend a few days or weeks apart and gauge how it feels. If you're completely unable to function, that might be a bad sign. If you can function but eagerly await the day when you two can meet again, that's generally a good sign.
- You should be able to have separate friends and interests, but if you feel happier pursuing these things than you feel when you're with your partner, your relationship is off to a bad start.
Sources and Citations
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